Goals

Something that's really is dumb is that when you feel fat, bloated, and uncomfortable in your own skin... you just wanna eat more.  I know there are some amazing people out there who use it as motivation to go for a run or hit the gym hard.  But me?  It puts me into a depression that makes me wanna lay around in pajamas and eat cake.

So, to stop this nonsense, I'm going to make a list of reasons why I want to lose weight.  In no particular order, they are:

1. Fit into my clothes again.
2. Feel comfortable in public and at the gym.
3. Feel better in my swimsuit.
4. Have pride in my accomplishments.
5. Generally feel healthier and better.
6. Gain confidence.
7. Not be embarrassed by the weight gain (because it won't be there!)
8. Enjoy that feeling of being more in control.

I can do this.

21 Days

I think we've all heard the theory that it takes about 21 days for a new habit to form.  Unfortunately, it seems like lots of other research has come out debunking this.  Still, I decided to personally keep track and see.

Monday was my 21 day mark.  In all fairness, I wasn't doing too wonderfully with my eating/exercising habits during these 21 days, but I have gotten better.  Honestly, it does feel more natural now.  Choosing fruits/veggies over the chips, processed carbs, or sweets is getting easier.  Still not easy, but easier.

I was particularly proud of myself yesterday.  I had to work at our satellite office and then drive around dropping materials off at various other locations.  I get to take a half day when I do this, but even so I didn't get back on the road and return to my house until past 1:30.  I was hungry by then, having had my usual 400 calorie breakfast at about 5:30AM and just a banana for a snack.  But I didn't let myself stop at any of the numerous conveniently located fast food restaurants along my way.  And when I got home, I made myself eat the pre-portioned healthy lunch I had already prepared.  When I was still a bit hungry after I ate lunch, I let myself have some extra---carrots and low-fat ranch.  This is a pretty huge accomplishment for me and I am proud.

Baby steps but in the right direction.

Stupid Things I Do, Part One

So I do this stupid thing.  Here's how it goes:  I'm kinda hungry and I want a snack.  I'll look at the healthy snacks I have packed, like carrots and hummus/lowfat ranch, apple and peanut butter, etc. and think, "Oh, no, that's too big.  I'll just grab something small." And by small, I mean a handful of those potato chips or just one little Dove chocolate... which NEVER stops.  I'm always on my sixth or seventh "small handful" of chips or am staring at the growing pile of aluminum foil chocolate wrappers before I realize how stupid a decision I made.

Why do I do this?  A banana is a better choice.  An apple is a better choice.  Even if I eat the apple AND the banana... it's STILL a better choice.  I've done better at this today.  More mindful snacking is something I definitely need to work on improving!

Tomorrow Is Another Day

While I won't say that I've been horrible at keeping to a healthy eating regimen, I also can't say I've been good at it.  It's hard.  I'm trying to change jobs and it's stressful.  I have a really long commute to and from work.  I do a lot of chores.  I have money problems and so much stress.  But in the end, these are all excuses.  They're pretty good excuses too, which is worse.  Lame excuses are easier to talk yourself out of.  I'm tired, my head hurts a bit, etc.?  Suck it up buttercup.  But stress, anxiety attacks, and very little time because of mandatory commutes are harder. 

But tomorrow is another day.  (Anyone else remember The Rescuers?) It's also a Monday and the start of a new month.  Two extremely excellent excuses to start again and really give it my all.  I've got my meals planned for the week and all of my lunches are already prepped.  So here's to a new week, a new month, and a new me. 

Things to Remember, Part 1

I need to remember that I actually feel better when I don't constantly eat.  I'm not overly-full and tired.  I feel more comfortable in my skin and clothes when I'm not bloated.  I have to remember this!

Day Four and More on Money

Day Four has dawned and I can finally start feeling the healthy eating habits becoming more normal again.  My cravings for bread and sweets are lessening.  I know there are some magical people out there who can indulge in sweets in moderation, but I'm not that type of person. I'm all-or-nothing.  It's easier for me to just cut it out completely.  Maybe I have no self-control, but at least I can acknowledge that fact and take steps to help prevent a binge.

This morning I wasn't very hungry, so I only had one piece of turkey bacon and two eggs scrambled with some kale.  Usually by now I would be after my oatmeal snack but I've had a cup of coffee (no sugar!) and I'm still not too hungry.  Is this how normal-weight people are?  I honestly feel hungry most of the time.

Anyway, after reading the article I linked in my last post, I was thinking more and more about the cost of a healthy lifestyle.  Because the article really only mentioned the food, but it's so much more.  While I do own decent cooking pans, bakeware, knives, and a large cutting board, there are still tools I wish I had that would make things easier.  For instance, I don't currently own a scale, which makes it very difficult to track my weight.  Am I losing weight?  Gaining weight?  Who knows.  A lot of people just go by how their pants fit, but that area is always where I lose weight last, so it's not a good way to measure for me.  Good scales are expensive and I just don't have the extra money right now.  But it's definitely at the top of the list to buy!

Other things I would love to have:

Food Scale - For more accurate measuring of my calorie intake.
Salad Spinner - Because buying uncut lettuce is cheaper but also wet.  And who likes wet lettuce?
Heart Rate Monitor - For more accurate measurement of how many calories I burn at the gym/running/etc.

Ah well, one day!  Happy Friday!

The Expense of Being Healthy

Eating healthy is expensive.  Anyone who says otherwise is just wrong.  End of story.  I can happily live off of boxed macaroni and cheese, ramen, and scrambled eggs for the rest of my life.  My life will also probably be very short.

I read a LOT of healthy eating blogs and while I love them and their recipes and tips, sometimes they can be a little preachy.  As if eating an oreo makes you the devil or that you ate an apple but because it wasn't an organic, locally grown, non-GMO apple, it doesn't matter.  The blog I stumbled upon today, however, seems to take a much more middle-of-the-path approach that resonates very well with me.  This article on the cost of eating healthy I found to be particularly well-written.  I hope you enjoy too!

Day Three

Yesterday, I did pretty well with my eating!  I discovered that a snack-sized portion of overnight oats with some nuts and flax seed does an excellent job of keeping me full until lunch!  Also, I went to the grocery store before going home and I was so hungry because I didn't have my afternoon snack.  Instead of grabbing any of the luscious looking candy bars or crispy chips, I bought an apple and a protein bar.

What I'm more impressed with is that yesterday evening I had a rather large panic attack.  I never used to have anxiety, but over the past few years I've slowly developed horrible, gripping panic attacks.  Food has always been a comfort and when you're curled up in a fetal position in terror, a giant bowl of carbs in any form sounds amazing.  But, I didn't let that happen.  I dealt with it and the only thing I 'indulged' in were two organic, whole grain strawberry fig bars.

This morning I had scrambled kale eggs, a piece of turkey bacon, and some cut up kiwi. This is pretty much what I eat every morning, and I find it to be really tasty and also pretty filling.  :)  Here's to another good day!

Day Two

Overall, I think I did quite well yesterday with my eating habits.  I ate only healthy foods and I went and had leg day at the gym.  I probably ate a bit too much for dinner, but by then I was so hungry I could have easily eaten the plate!  I made baked tilapia with mixed veggies, a side salad, and some garlic quinoa.  I only had about 1/4 cup of quinoa but I had two pieces of tilapia and probably at least 2.5 cups of the veggies.  It was delicious.  At least if I overeat, it's on lean proteins and veggies?

Today I'm already starving.  I had a good breakfast of kale eggs, cut up fruit, and a piece of turkey bacon.  I ate that around 5:30 this morning.  It's 8:30 now and I'm already hungry again!  I'm always terribly hungry the day after leg day.  Luckily, I planned and made a snack-size portion of overnight oats.  I tossed a few nuts on top and I'm hoping that will get me through the morning!

I hope everyone has a good day :)

First Post!

Okay, this is it.  My clothes aren't fitting.  My underwear isn't fitting.  My face is pudgy again.  I can't wear my favorite ring.

I am the girl who lost 60 pounds and is regaining.  I have lost it before and I will lose it again.  Starting today.  Now.  Right this minute.

I resolve to be a healthier person.  To love myself by nourishing my body with food that will give it energy.  I will exercise to strengthen my body and build endurance.  I will resist temptations and plan ahead.  I will take back control.